MissYeh

Blogging.. why on earth did I start it anyway? I feel I am not contributing anything to anyone. I might as well take it down and do nothing with this website or just display my photo’s on it. That would be a shame wouldn’t it. Not everything in life can be of value to everyone. I do have to admit, a silent voice inside me yells sternly: NO you can not quit, you have not even started! (yes, even yells can be silent). I do have a few blog posts right now. I do wonder, is there something else I can talk about? After reading some of my old blog posts I conclude that many are quite meaningless. But then again, not everything can stay meaningful its whole life, right?

A while ago I had a chat with a good good online friend. The subject was blogging about feelings. What makes one happy, mad or even sad. I find it easy to talk about things and how it works or should work. Talking about feelings on the other hand is not that easy for me. It is actually hard to express my feelings to anyone besides my own reflection. Let alone to post it on my blog where everyone, who knows my name or nickname, can read about it. It kind off makes me feel very vulnerable even when I am letting only tiny bits of feelings slip. There is nothing wrong to let things slip so why am I so overly protective for myself when it comes to that? Why can I not express? Why can I not confront? I can not even get mad with others around me. It took me many years to finally find the answers to the latter 3 questions. Which brings me to the next challenge.

Is now not the time to confront my, perhaps exaggerated, fear of expressing myself both online and offline. Is now not the time to start climbing the hill to see what is on the other side? I think it is actually. The hill might eventually not be as high as I imagine it would be. I do feel it is easier to talk about feelings online as it gives me all the time and space to write down what I experience(d).

Oh dear. I am so drifting away from my true intention of this post: to announce that I will be switching from Dutch to English with a few notes of why. Instead I’ve written some sort of prelude to the actual piece (point 4.). Funny how one thought can lead to a totally different but somehow related thought. The process of thoughts is quite miraculous. But what is even more funny. I am actually writing about feelings, about what I actually want to avoid.. hurray!

Oke, now up to the real post! I am switching from Dutch to English. There are 4 reasons for doing this which are:

1. I saw my path to walk on - During the summer break of 2008 I had the chance to think about myself, what I want to accomplish and most importantly: How! The actual process of thinking started before the summer break, after I heard that I might be able to do (is to do the correct way?) my placementship in Vilnius starting in February 2009. My basic thought was to learn, have fun and come back or stay a semester longer to study there. Nothing fancy and I had not have any bright future views.

This radically changed after I discovered that Swan Web Solutions in Edinburgh might welcome me as a placementer (? or should I say, trainee). Not only will I be able to work on point 3 of this list, but Swan Web Solutions seems like the perfect company to be in as a trainee for 5 months. I would love to be able to contribute my ideas to their projects as a team, at the same time improve my programming/scripting skills and enjoy Scotland. Those are lovely thoughts and soon the sun rose for me and I felt determination.

My thoughts and views accelerated after having the privilege to meet some wonderful PHP programmers online at freenode at #php_bnl. Some work as PHP web developer freelancers, for iBuildings, Zend or other companies of which names I forgot (please forgive me, I am only human. I will remember it in the future, just mention it more often). For now I can see me working in either England or Scotland as a (Senior) PHP Software Engineer or fulfil any other role in the world of PHP and web development world, after I graduate, for at least a year. OR start my own webdevelopment company one day OR both. And oh, I can see myself living abroad in the far far future where it is summer almost the entire year (okay, I am drifting away again).

2. For some reason I can express myself better in English - Especially when it comes to feelings It might just because there are many more songs and movies in English than in Dutch. I even prefer to read English books instead of Dutch ones.

3. I wish to improve my English writing skills (AND to get rid of my Dutch accent when speaking English). This point actually is a result of all other points.

..and most importantly:

4. Keep my PHP-related things seperate from my personal life - Two reasons for this one. First of.. I plan to be more active with PHP.  For years I have played or better said experimented with it between my own 4 comfortable walls. Ivo Jansch his short talk about PHP, after DPC ‘08, very much inspired me to see PHP from an other angle and to take my PHP experience beyond the hobbyist level. The guys at #php_bnl are doing the same and they are the greatest help when I need it. Right now I have nothing to prove any of my PHP skills. My new website MissPHP should do just that and show my evolvement of truly mastering PHP. It should also prepare me for my ZCE exam which I plan to take in 2009 or 2010 if my plans don’t get messed up. Secondly.. surely not everyone is interested in what I have to say if it is not related to PHP. To prevent accidental reads of any emotions, feelings or rants, therefore I wish to keep it seperate from MissPHP. As a result I wish to prevent any accidental PHP reads for those who are not interested in that. MissYeh can be seen as something more personal and MissPHP just is PHP-related.

5. I am targetting to a broader audience - wheter someone is interested in my personal things or in the PHP things I will do and share. My aim is to be ready and readable by people outside Holland and Belgium as well, especially from PHP perspective.

Oke, all for now. I just hope I won’t regret that I posted this one… I am now going to hit the “Publish” button!

MissYeh MissYeh Routine business feelings fear